Background: Setting the Stage
According to the Oxford Dictionary, strength is the ability to withstand great force or pressure. When you turn on the news or talk to a family, friend, neighbor, or co-worker, it is evident that we all are living in a time of great volatility, uncertainty, complexity, and ambiguity, where we must summon our inner strength like never before. Strength can manifest in many forms—physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual—and it shapes who we are as well as who we become.
For me, I can trace my strength back to my grandmother, who raised me for the first 4 years of my life. My grandmother was one of what is now nearly 3 million grandparents raising grandchildren in America (AARP, 2018).
As I reflect upon her unwavering courage and the sacrifices she made for me, I realize just how deeply her strength has impacted the man that I am and the man that I am becoming.
This article is a tribute to her, a woman who—despite the challenges, roadblocks, and barriers life threw her way—responded with a fierce combination of grit, perseverance, tenacity, sacrifice, and love to raise me and lay the foundation I needed to thrive. At age 101, she continues to teach me and model the power of strength, even with her ongoing battle with dementia.
The Early Years: A Foundation of Love and Sacrifice
When I think back to my early childhood, the memory of my grandmother immediately comes to mind. A few months before I was born, my mother came to the hard realization that she was not in a position to raise me. After years of therapy, I have finally come to accept how hard such a decision was to make as a parent and how grateful I am that my grandmother was willing to care for me.
My grandmother stood in the gaps and laid the necessary foundation for my well-being, stepping into a caregiver role she thought she had long left behind. Sometimes life doesn’t give you a choice. It takes strength and tremendous courage to become a parent again after believing that chapter in life has passed. Yet, my grandmother embraced this role without hesitation, ensuring I had everything I needed—food, shelter, love, guidance, and support.
‘She found ways to make do with what little we had, stretching every dollar to provide for me.’
Those early years with her shaped me in ways I’m still discovering. I can recall my grandmother waking up well before the sun rose in Haiti, lifting up her basket of goods and placing it over her head, and heading off to the marketplace, leaving me in the care of other relatives and friends. In the evenings, I’d see her return, exhausted after a long day but content knowing she was successful in providing her family with food.
She sacrificed her own wants and needs to ensure that I was cared for and didn’t go without life’s basic necessities. She showed me—both through her words and actions—what true strength looks like. It’s not just about physical power but the mental and emotional resilience required to care for another human being. It wasn’t easy. Yet, like many grandparents, she did it.
Lessons in Strength
As I grew older and began raising my own children, I started to understand the magnitude of what my grandmother had done for me. Parenting is not for the faint of heart, and doing it a second time around, with the added responsibilities of life, requires a depth of strength and courage that I am only now beginning to grasp. As my grandmother got older and dementia became more apparent, I made it a priority to visit as often as I could. During my last visit with her, I held her hand, and she looked at me with the same determination I remembered from my early childhood and said, “Be strong.”
Those two words, spoken so simply, held the weight of a lifetime’s worth of experience. My grandmother had seen so much, lived through so many challenges, yet there she was, still guiding and teaching me, still reminding me to be strong. It was as if she was passing the torch, ensuring that her legacy of resilience would continue through me.
The Legacy of Grandparents
My grandmother’s story is not unique. As this special edition of Generations highlights, the reasons so many grandparents raise their grandchildren vary—unstable home life, parental addiction or substance use, incarceration, military deployment, physical or mental health issues, or death of a parent. Regardless of the reason, the research is clear: When children cannot remain in their parents’ care they do better in grandfamilies than in foster care (Generations United, 2023).
Grandparents raising grandchildren are more likely to be people of color. Nationally, about a third of grandparents raising grandchildren are solely responsible for raising their children. About 18% of grandparents responsible for their grandchildren live in poverty. A quarter of those grandparents have disabilities. The percentage of grandparents raising grandchildren varies by state, with Southern states seeing a higher portion relative to the national average (See figure 3, below; Census Bureau, 2024).
Grandparents, like my own, step into the role of primary caregiver out of necessity, love, and a deep sense of responsibility. But this role is not without its challenges. Caring for grandchildren often comes at a cost—emotionally, physically, and financially. Many grandparents, particularly those on fixed incomes, struggle to provide for their grandchildren while managing their own health and financial needs. Despite these challenges, they persevere, driven by the same strength, courage, and resilience that my grandmother displayed throughout her life.
The Emotional, Physical and Spiritual Toll
It is important to recognize the emotional and physical toll that caregiving can take on grandparents. The demands of raising a child can be overwhelming, especially when you’re in the later stages of life.
Grandparents raising grandchildren are more likely to experience stress in ensuring their grandchildren have all the resources and support needed to succeed, while at the same time navigating the complexities of systems and laws that often don’t include nor support them. They also worry about what will happen to their grandchildren in the event they are no longer able to care for them. Yet, grandparents often push through these challenges to provide their grandchildren with a stable, nurturing environment.
For my grandmother, there were days when I could see the exhaustion in her eyes, but she never let it stop her. She kept going, one day at a time, ensuring that I was well taken care of. This is a reality that many grandparents face—balancing the demands of caregiving with their own physical limitations and worries about the future. And yet, they continue to show up every day, doing what needs to be done, because that’s what love looks like.
The Financial Challenges
Financially, raising a grandchild can be costly. According to Brookings Institution, the average cost of raising a child is $17,000 per year (Sawhill et al., 2022). Many grandparents live on fixed incomes, relying on Social Security, savings, or pensions to make ends meet. The additional costs of raising a child—food, clothing, education, medical expenses—can quickly add up, leading to financial stress and greater economic insecurity. Despite these financial pressures, many grandparents often go without to ensure their grandchildren have what they need.
‘Their strength is nothing short of extraordinary, and it deserves to be celebrated.’
My grandmother was no different. She found ways to make do with what little we had, stretching every dollar to provide for me. Her resourcefulness was nothing short of remarkable. She taught me the value of hard work, the importance of saving, and the necessity of making sacrifices for the ones you love. These lessons have stayed with me throughout my life and have shaped how I approach my financial responsibilities.
The Strength of Community to Create Healthier Communities
My grandmother taught me the Haitian Creole proverb, “Tout moun, se moun,” which means, “every person is a human being.” She understood the need for community and that no one can do it alone, and she sought out the support of friends, neighbors, and her church community. These relationships provided her with the emotional and practical support she needed to raise me. Whether it was a friend offering to babysit, a neighbor bringing over a meal, or a church member helping with chores, my grandmother accepted these acts of kindness with gratitude and humility.
This sense of community is something that many grandparents rely upon as they navigate the challenges of raising their grandchildren. Support groups, social services, and community organizations play a crucial role in providing grandparents with the resources they need to care for their grandchildren. These networks of support are a testament to the power of collective strength and the importance of coming together to help one another in times of need.
The Unseen Heroes
Grandparents who step into the role of primary caregiver are often the unseen heroes of our society. They quietly go about their work, sometimes without recognition or praise, simply because it’s what needs to be done. They save the government and taxpayers more than $4 billion dollars annually (Generations United, 2020) because they stand in the gap, preventing their grandchildren from having to enter the children welfare system.
Yet, they don’t ask for accolades or attention; they do it out of love and a deep sense of duty. But their contributions should not go unnoticed. These grandparents are raising the next generation, providing them with the stability and love they need to thrive. They are instilling in their grandchildren the values of hard work, resilience, and compassion. And they are doing it all while managing their own health, financial, physical, and emotional challenges. Their strength is nothing short of extraordinary, and it deserves to be celebrated.
A Personal Reflection
As I reflect on my grandmother’s life and the sacrifices she made for me, I am filled with a deep sense of gratitude. She has shaped who I am today, and her lessons of strength, resilience, and love continue to guide me as I raise my own children. Even now, as she battles dementia, her spirit remains strong. She may not remember all the details of her life, but the essence of who she is—her strength, her love, her determination—remains.
During my last visit with her, as she held my hands and told me to be strong, I realized that she was still teaching me. Her words were a reminder that no matter what challenges I face, I have the strength to overcome them. And that strength comes from a legacy of love and sacrifice that she has passed down to me.
A Tribute to Grandparents
This article is a tribute not just to my grandmother, but to all the grandparents who step into the role of caregiver for their grandchildren. Their strength, resilience, and love are a testament to the power of family. They are the unsung heroes who provide stability and care when it’s needed most. They are the ones who show us what it means to be strong, even in the face of adversity.
To my grandmother, and to all the grandparents out there, thank you. Your sacrifices do not go unnoticed. Your strength is a beacon of hope and inspiration for all of us. And your love will continue to shape the generations to come.
Jean C. Accius, PhD, is president & CEO at CHC: Creating Healthier Communities in Washington, DC.
Photo caption: The author's grandmother and him as a child.
Photo credit: Courtesy Jean Accius.
References
AARP. (2018). Grandparents report success in raising grandchildren. https://www.aarp.org/home-family/friends-family/info-2018/grandparents-raising-kids.html
Census Bureau. (2024). Grandparents living with grandchildren: Southern states had higher than average share of adults age 30 and over who lived with grandchildren in 2021. United States Department of Commerce. https://www.census.gov/library/stories/2024/03/grandparents-living-with-grandchildren.html
Generations United. (2020). Facing a pandemic: Grandfamilies living together during COVID-19 and thriving beyond. https://www.gu.org/app/uploads/2020/10/2020-Grandfamilies-Report-Web.pdf
Generations United. (2022). Together at the table: Supporting the nutrition, health, and well-being of grandfamilies. www.gu.org Generations United. (2023). Fact sheet: Children thrive in grandfamilies. https://www.grandfamilies.org/Portals/0/Documents/General%20Kinship%20Publications/23-Children-Thrive-in-Grandfamilies.pdf
Sawhill, I., Welch, M., & Miller, C. (2022). It’s getting more expensive to raise children. And government isn’t doing much to help. Brookings Institution. https://www.brookings.edu/articles/its-getting-more-expensive-to-raise-children-and-government-isnt-doing-much-to-help/
