Having spent many years working at the Burlington Community Justice Center in various roles, on restorative justice panels, as a case coordinator and as a victim liaison, I have always aspired to and identify myself as being a peacemaker. And helping create the Center’s Conflict Assistance Program has been my joy. As coordinator of the program, I conduct workshops to encourage people to become more comfortable with conflict and develop communication skills for engaging in conflict in more productive ways.
I also facilitate restorative conversations and do some coaching to help people prepare for difficult conversations. These all exemplify ways that, as an individual, I can impact others by throwing that pebble in the water to make peace ripple out into the community.
Homesharing was something I was introduced to several years ago while working in social services. As I helped clients navigate resources, I bumped into HomeShare Vermont and thought what a win-win program this could be, pairing someone needing housing with someone wanting to share their home.
Years later, HomeShare Vermont was in the back of my mind as I wondered what I would do with my big house now that I lived alone. I’d see cracks in the ceiling and other projects that needed attention and figured the extra money could help pay for repairs. I had considered downsizing, but couldn’t let go of the memories and the comfort of the space my family and I had created. There were also the crucial considerations of Clementine, my dog, and Max, my cat. In your own home, there’s no need to worry about whether “pets are allowed.”
‘I’ve learned that I am resilient and willing to change.’
A couple years ago, I decided it was time to explore HomeShare Vermont. The matching process is incredibly thorough. My case manager met me while my daughter, Melissa, was home visiting. She did a wonderful job explaining the benefits and challenges of homesharing in a meeting that lasted 2 hours and was extremely detailed and informative. I was still on the fence, but the meeting really helped me think about it more seriously.
I am so grateful Melissa was there with me to ask questions that I hadn’t anticipated and to help me better explore how I answered them. In the end, I felt empowered and confident enough to give this a chance. It is very freeing to know that HomeShare Vermont provides the opportunity for a trial run before things are finalized.
At the initial introduction to the woman who would become my homeshare guest, we spent quite a while talking together, going over the benefits and challenges of living together. We decided then to proceed with the trial homeshare and ended up signing the agreement. Happily, it worked out quite well.
Thank goodness she is the kind of person she is, so accepting of Clementine’s barking and of the “Isle of Max,” the one kitchen counter on which he walks.
When first meeting her, I felt my homeshare guest was a bit of a lost soul. She was in transition regarding housing and a job, and she didn’t know many people in Burlington. I thought back on my own life and saw someone who needed support. She seemed on the cusp of making choices in her life for which I could be a sounding board. And she was so polite. I appreciate that.
You just know something clicks when you feel it. Things have been on a very even keel with us and I credit that to the fact that we’re both attuned to picking up on the other person’s emotional state at a particular time. We seem to know when the other person just wants to be on their own.
The match and relationship have enabled self-introspection and helped me clarify my relationship with hospitality. As an older person, I grew up with a strict idea that hospitality meant always doing everything for the guest. At first, I thought of her that way, and put pressure on myself to have food for her and keep everything clean. Now I’ve learned to moderate that instinct.
Our arrangement is for rent only. Hosts have the option of asking for help around the house. But I still do all the household chores and she keeps her room and bathroom clean. I receive two strong benefits from homesharing—I earn extra income, and I have someone else in the house at night—from which I draw comfort.
Of course, having a homeshare guest takes adjustments. We set times to talk when there is something one of us would like to talk about. It doesn’t take long because the issues haven’t been big.
As a homeshare host, I’ve had to do some deep thinking about having someone I don’t know in my home and touching my things, using them less gently than I might. It’s something I’ve had to come to grips with. But it has helped me realize that when a pan gets burnt, it’s just a pan! It has made me explore my ideas of sharing, having grown up as an only child.
Homesharing has given me the opportunity to learn a lot about myself and why I am the way I am. Most beneficially, I’ve learned that I am resilient and willing to change.
For me, homesharing has been a perfect addendum to my years of working in social justice. It has helped me use the skills I’ve developed, has provided me with the opportunity to help my community, and it has given me the chance to continue to learn and to grow.
Barbara Shaw-Dorso is a case coordinator and victim liaison for the Community Justice Center in Burlington, VT.
Photo caption: HomeShare Vermont guest Addison (foreground) with hosts Brian and Gail.
Photo credit: Karen Pike Photography
